This week in class we have been writing stories which are set on past tense. What I enjoyed about doing this was writing the story. What I found hard was how to set it in past tense. Something I could work on is trying not to use the same words repeatedly.
The Afro
When I was born I was a little tiny speck of hair. As my keeper grew older I grew larger. I was finally the size of four pairs of shoes. I was impressed on how huge I had grown over the past four years.
As time passed me and my keeper grew larger and older. My keeper was finally six years old and now I was the size of six pairs of shoes. I was happy that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him or so I thought.
Eight years later my keeper was fourteen years old and I was the size of nine pairs of shoes. I was so happy. The next day it was my keepers birthday now he is fifteen, my keeper decided to get me cut off. I was terrified.
When we got to the barber the barber asked ¨what kind of haircut he would like¨, my keeper said he wants to shave it all off. The barber got to work and started shaving me off I was so scared I that I fell asleep.
When I woke up I found myself lying in the rubbish can with other people's hair, I was sad because my keeper didn't want me so I sat in the trash can crying.
Hello Atalina, my name is Ramsay in room 8. I like the way you used descriptive language and covered up all of the WALT. Also i want to follow up in your footsteps so i might make a story like this later in the term. I look forward to hearing back from you!
ReplyDeleteHello Ramsay,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate you commenting on my blog and that you would love to try and write a story like this one day. Just something I want to say is before you publish your comment add capital I. Other than that Thank you so much for the comment.